The Vanderhorst Family

The Vanderhorst Family

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Just a few thoughts

The other day I was talking to a friend who has a couple of kids, and I told her how busy Grant and I were this past month between graduation, moving, Grant working at his internship and starting his own business, me trying to prepare for my classroom, etc. And her response was "Just wait till you have to do all of that on top of raising a family." As I thought about her response something crossed my mind. Who's to say who is more busy? I feel like that's like me telling a high school student who says that they're busy to "just wait till you get to college." Are college classes harder? Absolutely. But am I doing the 3 extra-curricular activities I was doing during high school? Probably not. I believe that the stresses of life change very often. You go from being a high school kid trying to get into college, to being a college student trying to work and go to school, once graduating, trying to find a job, etc. And in the midst of all of this, you sometimes get married and begin raising a family. Even if this happens after college, who's to say who is more busy? You can't compare apples and oranges. So, in response to those who say "just wait till you have kids" I would say that yes, in the eternal scheme of things, raising a family can be very daunting and quite a challenging task, but that does not diminish the stress of beginning a new job, moving, etc. Grant and I were talking the other night and I told him that I don't know if I could've had kids while we were both going to school. I tip my hat off to those people who have a kid or two but are still both in school. Trying to juggle both schedules around raising a baby would be so hard, and I admire people who can do that. Would having kids make keeping a clean apartment, going to school, having a church calling, etc. be hard? Absolutely! But that doesn't diminish how hard that is without kids either. I know that as the demands on us increase, so does our ability to handle those demands. I know I will have to do all of these things with kids eventually, but with added responsibility comes added ability. I know we're all tempted to one-up others because we also need to feel validated in our responsibilities, but next time the temptation to one-up someone comes, try saying something like "Ya, I remember what that was like." Try sympathy/empathy, and they will sympathize back with you in your situation.
One other thought: I remember talking to a woman who had a few kids and she was telling me how much of a financial burden children are and how taxing it can be to a family's finances. I believe it! I do not discount that at all. But then she pointed out another woman and said "I wish I could be her. She has no idea the types of trials that I'm going through because she doesn't have kids and her and her husband have full-time jobs and have a lot of money." While she might not understand the financial stresses of raising a family, she has trials of her own. That other woman didn't have any kids because she struggled with infertility. Next time temptation to judge someone else's situation arises, maybe pause to think about the blessings you have and how others may not have those blessings.

8 comments:

  1. School is one of the busiest times of life. I admire the people who can juggle college and being married! Nate and I both were so busy in college that we were on campus studying and working from about 8am until midnight almost every day. The "free time" that having a job provided probably is what made it possible for us to date and get married. I know moms are really busy, but the truth I've heard from moms (particularly with only one kid at home) is that you actually have some free time on your hands. I'm guessing the moms who have said to you "just wait..." probably aren't holding down full time jobs. Just a guess. Times and seasons. Who wants to live life if it just keeps getting worse!?!

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  2. Ok, let me just say this: THANK YOU! I am so glad you wrote this post! Very blunt, honest, and, well, TRUE. The whole kid situation is tough, but there are a whole world of other troubles out there too. Amen, sista!

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  3. I love you Bekah & this post! I haven't been fortunate to meet so many one-upers but when they are around, I feel the exact same way!
    Also, thank you for helping me! I don't want to become a one-uper. You helped me see light!

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  4. haha, so true so true! Who can really compare who is actually "busier" with certain things, anyways? Do they have like a meter? :) Different tasks do not solidify one being harder than another! Meaning, maybe your one kid is easier to handle than my stinkin' math class, so who cares if she has a child or not?! We never know. haha.

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  5. Amen Sister. Screw those mom's and their busy lives...

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  6. I hate one-upers and I so often fall into the slippery slope. I get so upset when people say to me, "oh you think you are busy now, just wait until your kids are older." Like somehow having young kids is not as hard as having teenage kids. (Same thing you went through, like somehow starting new careers isn't has hard as having young kids. Which is a bunch of crap.)

    I firmly believe that everyone is busy and everyone has hard things in their life that they can complain about. Each time of life has things that are hard and things that are easy. The goal of life is to enjoy the easy part of your situation and try not to complain about the hard things. We all can complain and spend all our time trying to be busier or more stress out then the next girl, but the truth is that complaining about all of it doesn't help. You just have to get over yourself and get on with the work in front of you. You will never truly understand someone elses situation, so don't try. Just be their friend and love them.

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  7. Haha, this is so true. One-upping is so annoying and awkward to be around. People always find ways to slip it in there. Even when I was pregnant and I would say something simple like I was tired, some people would say, "Well just wait till that kid gets here" and I would think, "Um, yeah, but I'm still tired now. That's all I was saying." Haha. I, for one, totally know that school and work are crazy busy, especially since you will be a teacher! You will do great and handle it all so well, I know. Good luck with everything in your busy life that some people just don't seem to understand :)

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