Here Comes #2!

Well, it's true! We are expecting baby #2! I know Andrew and this baby are going to be ridiculously close (16.5 months apart), but we wouldn't have it any other way (yes, this was planned--I know, call us crazy). We always wanted our first two kids to be close in age, so we are excited that it happened!

When I found out we were pregnant Grant had already gone to work. I took a pregnancy test, and at first it came back negative. I knew that I had to wait at least 3 minutes though to get accurate results, so I went and cleaned up our bedroom a little bit. I was expecting to come back and see a negative result and just throw it away, but when I came back I saw a faint second line. I was so ecstatic! And was then reminded that I just went through 3 miscarriages, and to not get my hopes up. I was about 4 weeks along when we found out.

I prayed every morning and evening that I would get morning sickness and all the other
symptoms that come along with pregnancy, because then I would know that things were working like they were supposed to. A couple weeks later I woke up one morning with Andrew and wanted nothing more than to throw up. I've never been so grateful to feel like crap in my life. I'm sure all of my pregnant friends would like to give me a swift punch to the face for saying that, but when you've gone through the emotional roller-coaster of 3 miscarriages, you will be grateful for ANY sign that things are working--even feeling nauseous. I haven't thrown up, just felt nauseous--I'll take it!

Things are going to be crazy for a while after the baby is born, but we are so happy that our first 2 will be so close in age and we're excited to add another sweet child into our family. 

It All Works Out

I was recently reminded of an experience that Grant and I went through last year and I wanted to share it.

When Grant and I were first married, we both had a couple years of school ahead of us. It seemed like we were so far away from where we wanted to be--we were anxious to begin our family, but also wanted to graduate school without going into debt. We wanted so much to be done with school and move on with adulthood. With the economy the way it was a couple years ago, we were both a little stressed about whether or not Grant would be able to find a job upon graduation. At the time Grant was trying to decide what he should major in, and we would both discuss it pretty much on a daily basis. We are both planners and wanted to just know what would happen the next couple years so we could prepare. We really had to just take it one semester at a time. Each semester we would discuss our finances, where we would be working and how many hours a week, and discuss majors, when we should start a family, etc. And each semester things became a bit more clear. Last year when we were celebrating our 2 year anniversary, we were pregnant with Andrew and I was teaching, and Grant had just accepted a job offer here in DC. I remember us saying to each other that we wish we could go back to the newly-married versions of ourselves and tell them to relax a little bit, and just know that everything would work out. Something that Grant and I said to each other at the beginning of each semester was "Well, Heavenly Father hasn't let us down yet, so He's not going to now." That was pretty much how we went into each semester--not knowing what was coming down the road for us, but trusting that if we did our best to make things work and follow the spirit, that Heavenly Father would guide us to what we should be doing, and what He has planned for us. At times doors that we thought had promise would close, and other times where unexpected windows would open that would lead to things better than what we had planned.

Recently, we have kind of been feeling the same way we did when we were first married. This stage of life is difficult because you have so many options in front of you, and you don't want to be scared about making the wrong choice. We've been wondering if we should go back to grad-school, or wondering how long we will be here in DC, where we eventually want to live, when we should get a sibling for Andrew, etc. We were both reminded of that experience we had last year though, and we know that we'll be able to look back at this time in our lives and say "I wish we could go back to those versions of ourselves and tell them to relax a little bit, and just know that everything would work out." We've been reminded that Heavenly Father has never let us down, He has never lead us astray, and as we continue to seek His spirit daily that we will be guided. We've also learned that Heavenly Father trusts us to make our own decisions. Sometimes it's not a matter of making the perfect, right decision, but rather making the decision right or perfect. We know there will be times in our lives where there will be a clear direction of where to go, and other times when we will be able to make a choice for ourselves, and both choices will be good in the sight of Heavenly Father.

Heavenly Father has His eye on all of us and He hasn't forgotten about anyone. It life seems a little dark right now and you're not sure exactly where you're going and you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, just take it one step at a time--you only need to see one step ahead of you. When you reach the end you'll be able to look back and see the marvelous path that Heavenly Father has led you down.

To All My Pregnant Friends

A couple days ago I was reminiscing about the night that Andrew was born and I wanted to document some really tender moments that I wasn't expecting to have, but I think every woman has them after they give birth. So after Andrew was born, I held him for about a minute, and then they took him down to the NICU to get an IV in him and check his vitals and what not. Grant went with him, and I was just caught up in the whirlwind that just happened that I was grateful for some peace and quiet with my mom who had just gotten into town. I was also starving, so I talked to my mom while I ate, and waited for the bleeding to slow down a little bit before they could take me downstairs. It was about an hour before I was able to see Andrew again. When it was happening I didn't really think much of it, but looking back I wish I could've been there with him.

I'm sure Andrew was wondering what on earth was going on. I think every baby feels this way. They are snug as a bug, and then all of a sudden they are put into a completely different environment. For Andrew, I'm sure it was quite the shock because he was 6 weeks early, and the first hour of his life was probably not the most pleasant. They had to try 4-5 times to get the IV into his little arm, and being around voices you aren't familiar with I'm sure is a little scary. I'm grateful that Grant was there, because I knew Andrew recognized his voice.

So after an hour I was able to go downstairs and be with him. When I got into the room they were able to give Andrew a bath, which was mostly scrubbing off all the sticky white stuff (I can't remember the technical term). Any who, Andrew did not enjoy it at all! I'm sure he was sick and tired of people bugging him, putting wires on his chest, putting needles in his little arm, etc. so he was crying quite a lot. I felt helpless! No mother wants to hear their newborn crying! I had a little voice in my head say "start talking to him" so I did. Within about 10 seconds the crying stopped, and his head was turned toward my voice. The thing I love about this is that babies can't see any color--they are drawn mostly to black and white patterns. They can't focus on images that are more than about 8 inches away from their face, so Andrew couldn't see my face. But he didn't have to--he heard my voice (one that he head heard for 8 months), recognized it, and knew that he was by his mom. I reached out my hand to grab his, and he instantly clutched his little hand around my finger. That was the most tender moment I had with him.

This is in the middle of his bath. The nurse put him down to go get more water, and he was so calm. I just kept talking to him for the rest of his bath and didn't hear a single peep out of him.

Right after his bath. It was such a tender time to finally be with my baby boy!

In the weeks that followed when he was in the NICU, every time either me or Grant would show up and start talking to the nurses, he would pop his eyes open. He had people talking around him all day, but he always knew when his mom and dad were there. This still sometimes happens. If Andrew is asleep during Sunday School, Grant and I have to think twice before raising our hands to make a comment, because most times Andrew wakes up because he hears our voices. People around us can be commenting and even talking loud, but it isn't until one of us starts talking that he wakes up.

So, to all my pregnant friends, you have tender moments to look forward to! Your babies already recognize your voice, and sometimes in the midst of all the commotion, hearing your voice is the only thing that will calm them down. They know who you are, and you know what is best for them. Don't think that you don't know what you're doing--motherly instincts are very real. I personally believe that they aren't just instincts, but promptings from the spirit. These children are God's children, and so of course He has a vested interest in their well being. Enjoy these tender moments! Write them in your journal and take pictures of them, because they make the 9 months of pregnancy and labor and delivery totally worth it!

Parents Kind and Dear

I sing Andrew a couple of hymns or primary songs each night before putting him to bed. I find that he goes to bed much easier--I firmly believe that babies are very sensitive to the spirit, and even though they don't understand what you're saying while reading the scriptures or singing, they can still feel a difference. Anywho, I always make sure to sing the primary song called "I Am a Child of God." The beginning part goes:

I am a child of God
and He has sent me here
has given me an earthly home
with parents kind and dear

and then it goes on. As I was singing this out loud I paused in the song for a couple of seconds and realized what I just sung. "With parents kind and dear." As children sing this, they are reminded that they are sent to parents kind and dear. Parents who love them and would do anything for them. Parents who are trying to raise them up in the gospel. Parents who beat themselves up over mistakes and wish they could redo the moment in the day where they lost their temper. Parents who are trying their best, and their best IS good enough! But we as parents often forget that Heavenly Father doesn't expect perfection out of us--He just wants us to try our best, and rely on Him for the rest of this beast we call parenthood. There have been a few times where I've had a hard day with Andrew, so I close my eyes and say a quick prayer, and I've heard a very quiet voice whisper to me, "You're a good mom." There are people in the world that may think I'm too young, that being at home isn't a worthy goal, that I'm wasting the prime of my life staying at home, and all of those voices are very loud. It isn't until I am quiet and really listen that I can hear the Holy Ghost with His quiet voice saying "You're a good mom." I genuinely believe He whispers this to every parent who is giving it their best, and often feeling like they come short.

I then had another realization after singing I am a Child of God. I can be doing my best to raise up a righteous family, but there may be one of my children that strays off the path for a little bit. This is something I thought about even before I was married, and it has always been a concern of mine. After realizing how deep the words are to "I Am a Child of God" my mind immediately thought of the beginning of the Book of Mormon when Nephi said "I Nephi, having been born of goodly parents...". I don't think it is a coincidence that this is the beginning of the Book of Mormon. Lehi and Sariah were wonderful parents who tried to lead their family in righteousness, yet they still had 2 rebellious sons. I think anyone who has been in this situation can look to them as an example of faith on the Lord, and still being at peace. I've been learning to realize that mistakes are ok to make and that kids learn from them, and most importantly I as a parent learn from them. We do our best to teach our kids what we know to be right and true, but men are free to choose for themselves. I don't know if one of my children will go wayward and that will be a huge trial for me, but I do know that as long as I try my best NOW to raise them in the gospel, that Heavenly Father will still look out for them. It is never too late to come back to the gospel. It was huge for me to realize that as long as I do my best and stay close to the spirit in parenting, that my kids still have their free agency, and that God doesn't give up on His children.

I'm grateful for my parents, my in-laws, my grandparents, my aunts, uncles, and brothers and sister-in-laws. All are wonderful examples to me of what a good parent looks like. All have made mistakes. All have had successes. All have tried their best, and it has been and will be good enough.

Always remember to stay close to the Lord and the spirit, and you will be blessed in parenting (all in the Lord's way and in His time).

And remember, no matter what the voices of the world say (sometimes that can even be you're own), "You're a good mom." "You're a good dad."

Whole Wheat Bread Recipe

Props to this recipe goes to my sister-in-law, Emily. Enjoy!

Whole Wheat Bread

1/2 cup oil (either canola or vegetable)

1/2 cup honey

1 egg

1 can evaporated milk

3 cups hot water

1 rounded Tablespoon of salt

1 Tablespoon wheat gluten

2 Tablespoons instant yeast

9-10 cups whole wheat flour (or you can use white whole wheat flour too)

In mixing bowl combine oil, honey, egg, milk, salt & water. 

Add 4 cups flour, wheat gluten, and yeast. Mix for 2 minutes.

Gradually add 5-6 more cups of flour. Mix 5 more minutes, then gradually add enough flour for sides of bowl to come clean. 

Remove dough to oiled counter-top and divide into 3 large loaves or 5 smaller loaves. 

Allow to rise 30-60 min in oiled pans until double in size. (I cover them with a towel while rising).  

Bake in a pre-heated 350 degree oven for 23-33 min, depending on size of loaves and how brown you like the crust. 

Cool 5 min. in pans, then finish cooling on clean towel. 

* some notes about this recipe (these are Emily's notes--very helpful!):

I usually half the recipe because it's actually meant to be made using a bosch mixer and since I don't have one, this much dough is really hard to knead by hand. I halved this recipe, and it either makes 1 large loaf of bread or 2 smaller loaves.

* Wheat gluten is hard to find in a normal grocery store. For those of you who live in Utah they sell it in the big bins in WINCO, but if you don't have a WINCO arround you can find it in a Whole Foods or Trader Joes.

* If you use bread flour instead of all-purpose, you may not have to add the wheat gluten, because I think the difference between the two is bread flour naturally has more wheat gluten already in it.

Here is a before rising picture

Here is the finished product. Enjoy!

My GPS

When we first moved back East, I realized very quickly that I needed a GPS of some sort--either just a GPS or a smart-phone that had a GPS-app. I use my GPS-app on my phone on a daily basis, and I rely on it completely to help me get to the places I both want and need to be, and most importantly, it gets me home safely from those places.

As I've been driving around relying solely on this GPS function, I've often had the thought pop into my mind that my GPS is a good spiritual application.

Whenever I want to go somewhere, I always type in the address--or where I want to end up. I have no idea what route to take to get there, but my GPS does, so I have to trust that my GPS won't lead me astray. Likewise, I know that I eventually want to return home to my Heavenly Father. I knew that I wanted to get married and have a family, and I knew that I wanted to graduate from college. Those big life goals I knew I wanted, but Heavenly Father guided me through small steps (and sometimes I had to step into the darkness and trust Him completely), but then I successfully reached my end goal.

My GPS talks to me, giving me step by step directions and guiding me through each turn and light and on-ramp. There are sometimes where the GPS has enough distance to warn me of what's coming up ("Stay on this road for 2 miles and then take exit 64"), and other times where the next step jumps out of nowhere ("Now in 500 feet turn right"). The Holy Ghost will sometimes warn us when trials or temptations are coming our way, and other times, life just happens to us and we have to roll with the punches, but our spiritual GPS is still there telling us how to navigate through unknown roads.

If I am talking on the phone, my GPS will still talk to me through the phone and give me directions, but it is a very quiet voice. Whenever instructions come, I have to listen very intently and tune out of my conversation on the phone for a second while I listen to the instructions the GPS is telling me. Just like in life, we will have many conversations and many things to juggle, and the Holy Ghost speaks to us very quietly. We need to tune out those other voices in order to hear where we need to go.

There are other times when I miss a turn or take a wrong exit--most times on accident, but other times on purpose. Sometimes I think I know what route is best and ignore the route my GPS has given me--often times I'm wrong. Sometimes I think I know what is best for my life and what route is best for me to take, but Heavenly Father always knows what is best for me, and His timing is best for me. Other times I will miss a turn on accident, either because I forget what the GPS said, or I have the voice turned off, or it comes up to fast and I miss it. Sometimes in life, I forget to read my scriptures, I tune out the Holy Ghost because I'm too distracted with other things, or my life is so busy that I miss spiritual promptings. The thing I love most about my GPS, is whenever I get off-route, it simply says "rerouting" or "recalculating." I'm sure my GPS would really like to just say "You idiot! I've been telling you for the past 4 miles that you have to turn here! How could you miss it?! I gave you 3 warnings! Now we have to figure out a new route and it's going to take us longer to get to your destination! Listen up next time!" Now that I think about it that would actually be pretty funny if my phone started yelling at me ;)  Heavenly Father doesn't scold us if we mess up--it's bound to happen. We're not perfect, and we don't get everything right the first time. Heavenly Father simply gives us another option to get to where we want to go. Sure, it might be harder, more of an inconvenience, or take us longer, but we will eventually get to where we are going as long as we listen to that still, small voice.

There are other times where I supposedly arrive at my destination (perhaps at a shopping center or a road that is under construction), and the GPS says "You have arrived at your destination." I look around, and think "Um, this is my destination? I don't see the store." Sometimes my GPS puts me in a huge shopping center, or within 1000 feet of my destination, and once I get there I have to look around a little bit to find the store. I think it's that way in life sometimes as well. Heavenly Father leads us down a particular path and we could say "Um, this is what you had planned for me?" It isn't until we open up our spiritual eyes and look for why Heavenly Father has placed us somewhere that we realize it was what we wanted all along, and then some.

I'm grateful for both my physical GPS and my spiritual GPS. Both guide me every step of the way and get me to where I want to go.

The Easiest Pumpkin Cookies Ever!

Alright guys, you ready for this? These pumpkin cookies have 3 ingredients and are delicious!

1 15 oz can of pumpkin
1 cake mix (I usually do spice cake)
1 12 oz bag of chocolate chips (I usually do milk chocolate)

Mix together the pumpkin and cake mix. Add in the entire bag of chocolate chips. Bake at 350 degrees on a greased pan for 20-25 minutes.

These cookies don't really spread out, so you don't want to put them into balls, but spread them out a little bit more. This also gives you the chance to be creative since the shape pretty much stays the same. You can shape these into a ghost, a pumpkin, a witch (or whatever you like) before you bake it, and after it bakes it looks pretty much the same. This is a fun one to do with the kiddos!

It's that easy! I also like it because you can get creative with your add-ins. You can do vanilla or chocolate cake mix instead of spice, or you could do nuts instead of chocolate chips (or in addition to). Seriously, so good and so easy!

Enjoy!