29 Weeks

I told Grant the other day that instead of having pregnancy be in trimesters, it should be in quarters. I don't know if this is because I grew up in a family of boys who liked watching sports, and most sports have quarters, so that's what makes sense to me, or if it's because I'm a math person and 40 is not divisible by 3, which kind of bothers me. Maybe it's just the fact that each trimester seems to last FOREVER, so saying that you're in your 3rd quarter or 4th quarter of pregnancy makes it seem to go by faster. Who knows!  I'm going to try to start a revolution though. So, technically, I am at the beginning of my third trimester, but I'm really just one week away from my 4th quarter. See? Sounds much better for some reason :)

How Far Along: 29 weeks.

Size of Baby: According to babycenter.com, Hailey is 15 inches and about 2.5 pounds.

Maternity Clothes: Yep! Wearing looser shirts, leggings, I wear a lot of maxi skirts/dresses, and if I'm feeling particularly brave, then I'll wear jeans with my belly band.

Movement: Hailey is popping all over the place. Her head is also down pretty low (just like her brother), so whenever she gets the hiccups (which happens pretty often), my lower abdomen has a mini-earthquake. The other night when I was laying down to bed, I asked Grant if he thought I drank some gripe water that it would help Hailey's hiccups go away so I could get some sleep. I didn't try it, but I'd be very curious ;)

Sleep: Has been good! My tutoring schedule has slowed down a little bit which allows me to take more naps during the day instead of tutoring during those times, and I am still able to sleep through the night without having to use the restroom. I'm sure that will change soon though.

What I miss:With it being the beginning of Summertime, I really miss being able to wear my normal clothes, and not having to layer so much. Virginia summers are pretty humid and hot, so any extra layer is not a lot of fun. Remind me next time we have a kid to not plan it so I'll be 9 months pregnant in the middle of July--I am NOT looking forward to that!

Cravings: Nothing really, and I'm not as hungry as I used to be. As Hailey grows, there isn't a whole lot of room for anything else, so my appetite has decreased a lot actually.

Aversions: Nothing really--I'm pretty much back to normal!

Symptoms:  Hmmmm, nothing that I can really think of. I mean, you have the typical symptoms of your lower back hurting every once in a while, or your feet being achy, but nothing horrible or out of the ordinary. 

Best Moment: I had a couple best moments. The first one was switching OBGYN providers. I know, it's a pretty bold move to switch so late in my pregnancy, but the old practice I went to was just too big and I didn't really like the doctors there, or the hospital that they delivered at. I switched to a much smaller practice, and I love the hospital that they deliver at. So that was best moment #1! The second best moment is when Grant and I had a chance to go do sealings at the DC temple. Just being in the temple was wonderful, but listening to the words of the sealings (especially of children to their parents) made me so grateful to have Hailey and Andrew in my life, and remembering that I can be with them forever. It was really sweet to be able to sit in the Celestial Room and have Hailey kicking up a storm while we were in there. I only wish Andrew could've been there with us too. The older I get, the more grateful I am that families can be together forever, and the more significant that is to me. Just a cute story about the girl who watched Andrew while we went tot he temple: So we were gone for about 3 hours, and he was asleep for 2 of those hours, so he really only spent 1 hour with this girl while we were gone. When we came home he was happy to see us, and as the babysitter was leaving, he looked at her walking out of the door and started crying! Talk about social butterfly! This kid gets pretty attached to other people--it's really cute!
 Here's the current 29 week belly-shot!

Grant takes the meaning of "belly-shot" to a whole new level :)

We made it to 24 weeks!

This might not seem like a huge deal to some people, but in the words of Phil Dunphey from Modern Family, "This is actually kind of a grande deal." Read on if you want to know why...

How Far Along: 24 weeks and 3 days.

Size of Baby: According to babycenter.com, Hailey is 12 inches and about 1.3 pounds.

Maternity Clothes: Yep! Wear the belly band all the time, but mostly I'm wearing maxi-skirts. Much more comfortable!

Movement: Hailey isn't spazzing as much as she used to. It's more gentle kicks and rolls and somersaults. Although, I can always count in her to start kicking the heartbeat monitor whenever my home-health nurse checks her heartbeat. Girl likes her space ;)

Sleep: Yep! Andrew was on this horrible habit of waking up at 5 am every day for about a month. It was awful, and we tried everything. Crying it out, putting him to bed earlier, putting him to bed later, adjusting his nap schedule, EVERYTHING! Finally this past week he decided to go back to 6:30. I feel like a new woman. At least he took good naps during the day, so I always got in at least one nap.

What I miss: So, my OB actually suggested that I get in a light walk/cardio 20 minutes each day. It's not as much exercise as I did with Andrew, but I'm grateful  that I can get up and move around a bit more.

Cravings: Nothing really, just super hungry all the time.

Aversions: Again, nothing really. Sometimes if something is too saucy or if I have too much salad dressing on my salad then that can cause problems, but nothing too big.

Symptoms:  So lately my ankles have been swelling up. Lovely, right? I'm drinking a ton of water and make sure to put my feet up as much as I can, but it doesn't really seem to help. Oh well, it's just the side effects of the progesterone shots :) But it's worth it!

Best Moment:Making it to 24 weeks. Let me explain why this is such a big deal. The day after we found out Hailey was a girl, we had another scare as my body started going into labor yet again. They put me on an IV because apparently I was dehydrated (despite the fact that I had been drinking 100 oz of water each day), and they gave me an extra progesterone shot. After being monitored for 3 hours, the contractions slowed down and became irregular and far apart again, so they sent me home. My OBGYN could tell that I was frustrated because I had been taking it easy and drinking enough water, and also getting these progesterone shots weekly. She told me that as long as I could make it to 24 weeks that there was a good chance that Hailey would be able to survive outside the womb. Obviously we are shooting for 37 weeks, but as long as I made it to 24 weeks, we wouldn't have to worry about Hailey not being able to survive outside the womb. She'd obviously have to spend a lot of time in the NICU, but the chances of us losing her were slim. Since that scare 4 weeks ago, things have been going really well. No more scares, the contractions have stayed irregular, and Hailey is looking healthy. The 20 minutes of walking/cardio is really helping with my energy level and oddly enough, it is keeping the contractions irregular (totally counter-intuitive, but hey! It's working!). I'm feeling more and more confident that we can keep Hailey cooking until 37 weeks. I'm sure some of my friends who have gone past their due dates want to give me a swift punch to the face for saying this, but I will cry out of happiness if I make it to 41 weeks. I know, I would be so huge and uncomfortable, but I would so much rather go over by a week or two, than under by a month or 2. We shall see :)

22 Week Update :)

How Far Along: 22 weeks and 1 day.

Size of Baby: According to babycenter.com, baby girl is 11 inches and about 1 pound.

Maternity Clothes: Thankfully, I'm starting to get a more round bump, so people can actually tell that I'm pregnant. So, I'm sort of in maternity clothes. I use my belly-band whenever I wear jeans, but I'm mostly wearing all my same clothes, it's just you can tell that I'm pregnant instead of just plump. So, we're coming out of the awkward stage, so that's nice :)

Gender: It's a girl! We decided on the name as well--Hailey Miriam Vanderhorst. We're so excited!

Movement: Hailey is a little jitter bug. She moved around a TON during the gender ultrasound, and she is constantly kicking or rotating. She's a little ball of energy--right along with her brother :)

Sleep: When I can. I'm usually tutoring during Andrew's naps, but Grant is always so good to make sure I get rest when he is home.

What I miss: I will always miss being able to exercise--at this point, I'd just love to be able to go outside. This winter has officially been poopy, and I'm ready for it to end so I can take Andrew outside and we can get some fresh air.

Cravings: Nothing that I can really think of. I forgot how hungry I am during pregnancy though, so I eat a lot of snacks. This, coupled with my progesterone shots, makes me incredibly hungry, so I try and make sure that I eat healthy snacks throughout the day, and that they are good calories.

Aversions: These are actually back to normal as well, so that's good :)

Symptoms:  My lower back is achy, but this is the stage where those ligaments are stretching out, and it's not as bad as it was with Andrew since those ligaments have already stretched, so nothing too bad.

Best Moment: Finding out we were having a girl! I totally cried out of happiness. Also, Grant and I went to a consignment sale over the weekend and bought a TON of girl clothes for super cheap (don't worry, we got some for Andrew too!). Also, we had our girl name picked out before we found out what the gender was, so not only being able to say "he" or "she," but call Hailey by her name has made it more real, and been a good bonding experience.

Here's the belly shot!

I won't lie, this is my first selfie. I don't know how well it turned out, but whatever.

The Law of Tithing: A Gateway to the Lord's Tender Mercies

There have been many times in my life when it has been obvious that the Lord was watching over me or my family. One example was when my son was born 6 weeks early and had to be in the hospital for 3 weeks. It was a scary time and a busy time as I was in the middle of teaching my first year of school, and my husband, Grant, was in the last year of his college career at BYU. We could very clearly see the hand of the Lord blessing our son to grow healthy and strong despite his rough start, and helping Grant and I juggle our very hectic schedules at the time.

There have been other times in my life that I've recognized the hand of the Lord and His tender mercies, but they have not been so obvious. What might seem like a coincidence to other people, I consider a tender mercy. I have tied all of these small, tender mercies back to one principle: The law of tithing.

For those who aren't members of our faith, members of our church give one-tenth of everything they earn to the Lord, and we call this the law of tithing. It is a small way of us showing our willingness to give to the Lord's kingdom and a small way that we thank Heavenly Father for everything He has given us.

Some of Grant's coworkers have asked how we live in DC with a child (and another child on the way), and yet afford to only live on one income. Even though I tutor out of the home, the main source of our income is Grant's job. I'm sure it would shock his coworkers even more to learn that not only do we live on one income, but we live on 90% of an income, yet we have still managed to live within our means. While Grant and I have tried our best to live as frugally as possible, we know that the Lord has helped us in small ways.

For example, this past Christmas, Grant received an unexpected bonus from work. We were thrilled to have a little extra money to act as a buffer to our, but then about a week later, we had some issues with our car and had to get it repaired. The cost of the repair was only a few dollars less than the bonus that Grant had received. To some this might seem like a coincidence, or even a tragedy that we had to spend our bonus money on something as trivial as a car repair, but to us, it was the Lord's way of providing for an unexpected expense.

I remember when Grant and I were first married and I was working at a call center. We had just barely purchased car insurance, which was an extra $75 per month. Within that same month, I received a small raise at work, and when we calculated how much extra money I'd be getting a month, it was about 80 dollars.

There are so many of these small experiences with finances, that I know it's not simply coincidence, luck, or mine and Grant's hard work (though I do believe we have to be doing our best before the Lord can bless us). No, this is the Lord's tender mercies in our lives.

He not only has blessed us to live within our means, but the small spiritual blessings we have received have been wonderful. We have seen an added measure of the spirit in our home, and I have personally noticed that our family is more unified and harmonious when we all sacrifice together to live the law of tithing.

"We should not underestimate or overlook the power of the Lord’s tender mercies. The simpleness, the sweetness, and the constancy of the tender mercies of the Lord will do much to fortify and protect us in the troubled times in which we do now and will yet live. When words cannot provide the solace we need or express the joy we feel, when it is simply futile to attempt to explain that which is unexplainable, when logic and reason cannot yield adequate understanding about the injustices and inequities of life, when mortal experience and evaluation are insufficient to produce a desired outcome, and when it seems that perhaps we are so totally alone, truly we are blessed by the tender mercies of the Lord and made mighty even unto the power of deliverance." Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

The Etiquette of Miscarriages

I was talking to one of my close friends a couple weeks ago and she was telling me that she just barely went through a miscarriage. I wasn't there in person as I was talking to her over the phone, but I sincerely wished that I could've just thrown my arms around her and given her a shoulder to cry on. As she explained to me her feelings through a choked up voice, I began to get teary-eyed as I could remember those feelings of loss and what could have been. She began to explain some frustrations she had about sharing her miscarriage with other people, and that she didn't really feel heard, understood, or that her emotions were being validated (mostly because she wasn't that far along, and she is still a young, healthy girl, so she still has time--this is what others have told her).

I wrote a blog post a while back about my experience going through a few miscarriages, and because of that I had quite a few of my friends confide in me that they had gone through the same thing and didn't really feel like they had a safe outlet to talk about it--mainly because of insensitive comments from people they DID talk to about it.

Now, I will admit, I did not really understand what this felt like until I went through it. We didn't have miscarriages before we had Andrew, so I didn't know what it felt like to try to start of a family and not be successful on the first, second, third, etc. pregnancies. I will also say that as I was going through my miscarriages, I felt like I couldn't really be as sad as those who didn't have any kids yet because hey, at least I was already able to start my family. Shouldn't I have been grateful for the one kid I already did have?

I wasn't expecting it to be as hard as it was, and I know that everyone handles miscarriage differently. I think everyone who has one mourns, but some people get over it more quickly than others, and for some people, it's something they never really get over. Neither response is "correct." One is not more noble than the other.

But understanding that people handle trials differently is SO KEY to helping everyone cope with what life has dealt them.

With all of that said, many of my friends and I heard a lot of the same comments from different people, and we collectively came up with a list. Here's a list of what NOT to say when someone has a miscarriage...

"At least you weren't that far along." (Most of my friends were still in their first trimester when it happened, so true, they were not that far along. However, this comment stings because it's the loss of what would have been your child, so when you say this it kind of discounts that possibility of what might have been. I think this is the hardest thing for people going through miscarriages to deal with--what might have been).

"Oh, one of my friends had 5 miscarriages and another one of my friends had a still-born baby." or "One of my friends delivered a super-premature baby that didn't live." (I think people might say these comments to let their friends know that they aren't alone, and since they haven't ever experienced a miscarriage they feel like they can't really understand, so they try and tell them about someone else they know that went through a similar experience, but it kind of sounds like you're one-upping them, and you're also taking the hurt away from them. Trust me, those who go through miscarriages won't be self-absorbed in their hurt forever, and they will eventually realize that it could have been worse, but in the moment, it feels like the worst thing in the world. One-upping their story will not make them feel better.)

"It's just your body telling you that there was something wrong with the development." (Scientifically and logically, yes, this makes sense. However, when people first go through a miscarriage they don't need a scientific explanation--they need an empathetic response. Those who go through miscarriage know all the science behind it, and eventually it will help them cope, but that's not what they need right away).

"Miscarriages are more common than you think--they pretty much happen to every woman at some point in their lives." (True, I read a statistic once that 80% of women will experience a miscarriage. While it might seem like it should be a comforting fact--that it's normal and it happens often and to not be discouraged, this comment can again feel like you're diminishing the hurt that someone is going through in that moment).

"Well at least you already have a kid/kids." (Ya...but they would like to add to their family...)

"This is just the Lord's way of telling you that the timing wasn't right." (Try this line out on someone who has had an engagement called off on them--do you think it'd turn out super well? Probably not, and it wouldn't in this situation either. Yes, the timing clearly wasn't right, but that doesn't make it any easier when you already had it set in your mind that this is when you were going to have a baby. Also, please don't tell them to have faith in the Lord's timing. Just because you are going through trial and having a hard time dealing with it does NOT mean that you lack faith).

I've learned from talking to my friends and from my own experience, that really all people need is just a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, and someone to listen. If you haven't been through a miscarriage and you can't really understand, try saying, "That must be so hard--I'm so sorry this happened!" If you HAVE gone through a miscarriage (and you may already be over it), just say "I went through a miscarriage and I remember it being really difficult at the time." You don't need to go on and say how time will eventually heal this wound or anything. Let the other person lead the discussion and if they'd like more information about your experience to help them cope, they will ask for it.

Miscarriage and infertility are such tender subjects, and to have someone open up to you about their experience means that they trust you and are looking to you for comfort. My dear mother-in-law posted this picture on facebook and I loved it.

17 Weeks!

Wow! This pregnancy is flying by! I cannot believe that we are almost half way done with this one!

Here's the update so far:

How Far Along: About 17 weeks.  Who's counting? haha

Size of Baby: According to babycenter.com my baby is 5 inches and 5 ounces (the size of a turnip--how cute!)

Maternity Clothes: What's considered maternity clothes? I'm in that awkward stage of pregnancy where you don't have a cute round bump, but you don't have a flat stomach either. You just look like you've kind of let yourself go a little bit. Anywho, so I'm not in maternity clothes, but there are some of my tops that I don't wear anymore. I can still wear all my jeans and skirts, but I had to go get some tops that were a little looser around the stomach area for this awkward stage.

Gender: I'm sticking to my original guess of it being a boy, and Grant thinks it's a girl. Just a funny story about this: The OBGYN office that I go to has 3 locations. The one I normally go to is in Northern VA, but they also have one in DC that's about 5 minutes from Grant's work. So I already set up the 20 week ultrasound at that office so Grant could be there during his lunch hour to find out the gender with me. Well, last week I went in and they did an ultrasound, and the tech offered to tell me the gender of the baby! I just about died! I was SO TEMPTED to find out the gender and just act surprised when I went in with Grant, but I know I couldn't have kept it a secret for a whole month from him. So, alas, I had to pass on finding out since Grant couldn't be there with me, but it's been killing me! I cannot wait till March 3rd!

Movement: So with Andrew, this is when I started to feel some flutters, but with this baby I started feeling flutters about a week and a half ago, and just recently have felt more direct movement. I've been lucky that with both pregnancies the placenta has been behind the baby, so I have been able to feel both Andrew and this baby pretty early.

Sleep: Lots and lots of sleep. Thank goodness Andrew sleeps well at night, and he takes wonderful naps during the day. I do think I'm going to get some vitamin B though--I really shouldn't be this tired during the second trimester. I took some vitamin B with Andrew and it really helped with my energy level.

What I miss: Being able to exercise. I didn't miss it so much the first couple months (because really, who wants to exercise while they feel nauseous?) but exercise has always been a great release for me and way to clear my head. So, I do miss that outlet, but Grant is always good to give me a break and let me get out of the house while he watches Andrew.

Cravings: Hmm, the cravings have slowed down quite a bit. Once in a while I'll crave something really random, but I feel like my eating habits are basically back to normal.

Aversions: OK, so they're back to normal except for the aversions. I still can't eat anything super saucy. This probably won't change until baby #2 is a couple months old (same thing happened with Andrew).

Symptoms:  Hmmmm, except for me getting a little more fat and being tired, nothing too bad :)

Best Moment: So, a couple weeks ago we had a bit of a scare. I went into preterm labor with Andrew, so this pregnancy I have to get progesterone shots. Long story short, I was having contractions a couple weeks ago (yes, at 15 weeks--you read that right), so I went in and they gave me a shot, but originally my body wasn't responding. The doctors were concerned that I wouldn't make it to 26 weeks if my body wasn't responding to the progesterone shots, but after a couple days and one more shot the contractions started to calm down. That was the best moment! I may have to get shots more often or take supplements, but I don't care. I've put myself on an unofficial bed rest. I still move around the house and do light housework, but I also lay down as much as I can. I just want my body to carry this healthy baby as long as it can, and I cried out of happiness when the shots started working. Scariest 2 days of my life, but Heavenly Father answers prayers.

Why go to church when you have small kids?

Ever asked yourself this question? Especially after you've been roaming the halls for 45 minutes trying to catch glimpses of talks or lessons? Especially after taking a screaming baby out of sacrament meeting? I know I have!

There was an article about this in the January Ensign, and I thought it was inspiring. It's from a young mom of 6 kids whose husband has a demanding calling, so she needs to get all the kids ready for church by herself while her husband is at meetings and help them stay reverent for all 3 hours of church--much of the time she's out in the halls and she hardly hears a lesson taught or a talk given. A sister asked her "Why even come to church?" As she thought about it, her response would have been "Because that's what we do on Sundays--we go to church."

I want to take this faithful woman's response even further, and explain why it is so important and imperative to continue going to church (even when you feel like you aren't getting anything out of it). Why it's important to establish this pattern.

All throughout the scriptures, patterns are taught. The Savior teaches the pattern of baptism, of the sacrament, we learn the pattern of the pride cycle and how to avoid it, the General Authorities teach us patterns of receiving revelation and personal inspiration. Patterns are all around us. Why is it important that the pattern of going to church weekly is established?

First, your kids learn the importance of the sacrament. Grant and I try to hold Andrew on our laps and not let him crawl around until the priesthood holders have finished passing the sacrament. We are trying to teach him at an early age that being reverent during this special time where we get to reflect on our weeks and renew baptismal covenants. I will admit, this is quite the battle and we are not always successful--but Andrew has made progress and it is getting easier. We are constantly pulling out new toys and books for him to read, but so far it's been a success to keep him quiet and happy during those first 20 minutes of the sacrament meeting. We are hoping that as we establish this physical pattern of sitting still and being reverent, that in the future it can lead into WHY we need to be reverent, and we can then explain the importance of the sacrament at a time when he understands. Going to church and establishing that physical pattern of putting on your Sunday best every week will then help your children establish spiritual patterns of using church to help them rejuvenate their spirits for the rest of the week.

I also firmly believe that even though young babies and toddlers might not always understand what is being said, that they can still feel the spirit. Andrew always enjoys when the congregation sings together because the music is touching his spirit. Going to church doesn't always have to be something where you understand the words being said, but you can definitely feel your spirit being touched. Kids need that every week.

The whole reason why I'm writing this post is because this is something that I've struggled with. Why am I even going to church when WE are not getting anything out of it?  Grant and I are either walking around trying to get Andrew asleep, or trying to distract him in class so he won't get frustrated. Since I'm working with the Young Women, Grant is kind enough to take Andrew during the 3rd hour. He rarely hears an entire Elder's Quorum lesson, and spends much of his time in the back while Andrew crawls around. I then realized that I've been focusing too much on ME, and not enough on Andrew. As I've started to change my focus, my Sundays have been so much better. Nothing has really changed. Grant and I still don't hear much of talks or lessons (just like every other parent), but I've been content to realize that I'm doing an important work in helping my kids establish these important patterns.

So, if you're in the same boat as me and you've been struggling too, just know you're not alone :) You are helping to establish an important pattern that will shape your kids testimonies and lives. This stage of life is hard because it will be a while before you can see the rewards of your diligence, but I know that they will come. I'm grateful that we get to go to church every week, and even though I don't hear much of anything, I'm grateful for the spirit I feel, for the chance to renew my baptismal covenants, and for the patterns that I'm instilling in my children.